i got lost in a forest last night. this morning I realized the "forest" was just 6 trees on campus.
even my farts smell like vagina
nothing can go wrong this weekend. $1500 to spend. i have options for hookups every night. my backup plans have backup plans
Seriously... There's something wrong here. I'm drinking vodka to mask the smell of chocolate on my breath before I get home and he finds out. I fucking hate couple dieting...
going to class with no bra.. is that saying "i don't give a fuck i'm one hour away from thanksgiving break?"
i didn't realize we were even dating until i ran out of weed
I'm promising sexual favors in return for his responsible life decisions. Now THIS is growing up.
Dude, you disappeared somewhere on the walk back and shortly after we got a call from your cell phone from this guy explaining that him and his roommates woke up to the smell of burning pizza and a naked stranger on their couch.
FULL ON LADY WOOD. YOU CAN SEE THE VEIN
The only difference between us and a pack of 14 year old girls is substance abuse
I was weirded out when the chunky goth girl and her boyfriend both started eyeing me and wanted to by me a drink.
We go out, we get drunk, we watch Star Wars, we pass out. What's wrong with this tradition?
You yelled This cop is arresting me for possession! Possession of MARIJUANA!!", everyone cheered, and you let him handcuff you and take you away.
I told him about the time I blacked out and shit myself and he still wanted to have sex with me that night. Feeling pretty optimistic about where this fling is going.
Not sure what time I'll be home. I'm currently topless and the damn stripper won't give me my clothes back
Randomize
