dude, the summer is killing me. i just woke up cause my balls were stuck to HER leg!
i finished masturbating and realized my blackberry had accidentaly called my grandmother in my pocket during it. awkward...
He has some good qualities. Beneath the layers of asshole and fat.
On the quad today: An amish choir singing something weird, and not 30 feet away 3 girls tanning topless. Definition of diversity.
I didn't mean to leave you there I just didn't know him well enough to throw up in his bathroom.
Yelling drunk tank or bust at a cop, not a good idea
EVERYONE CAN HEAR YOU FUCKING YOU ARE IN A TENT
i puked in the 2nd best shower and the couple fucking in the 1st didnt even pause so you might wanna hold off on that for a while
Have you ever come so hard that right after you have the urge to yell "make me a sandwich!"? ...I think my ovaries turned into testicles.
He called me in the middle of the night to ask my shoe size. Apparently big feet would make me an unsatisfactory third for the threesome.
Maybe snorting K off penises isn't healthy
I had sex on a seadoo on the middle of the lake lastnight
Dont be alarmed when you come homeand see a guy handcuffed to your bed. His name is james. Ill uncuff him when I get home
Dude you came into the room last night soak and wet and told me you just took a shit in the shower
Who is naked dude in the kitchen?
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