Oh just a soda. I'm "driving"
Well. Nothing came of that. And to think I manscaped and dusted with gold bond.
just walked into the room and her sister said loudly, "do him, or I will."
Dude, I just spun my iPhone on my boner without it falling off. I belong in cirque du soleil.
at what point did you think saran wrap was a better alternative to shoes?
I'm drinking too much free beer
Thats like saying one owns too many kittens. It's not possible.
I was doing drugs in the men's room so my employee went in to the woman's for the same reason but left proof and got caught. Had to fire him cuz I bogarted his dope spot. Awesome.
no, I didn't go in the end. Too hungover and hot, plus Star Wars is on so obviously I'm having a naked day.
I swear, when I turn 21 in four months, I'm going to carry a flask around with me, and make a drinking game out of everything.
this place is dumb. no one understands my Sunday morning alcoholism here.
I just put vodka in my apple sauce. Spice up your fucking life.
An old biker dude just flirted with me at Food City. I enjoyed it. God damn I need to get laid.
Hey, if a dude can't randomly belt out Whitney Houston tunes from time to time, is life really worth living??
Went up to some dude that hit on Laura and told him he has a voice like a grandma. Apparently didnt have muscles or kindness like grandma so can you pick me up at the ER please?
I bought a machete, tennis balls, and matches. How is this NOT going to be a great night?
Randomize
