I told u I don't really remember everything lol i pretty much remember not lasting as long as I norm and that I wore a condom, I hate condoms
I just farted so loud that my cat got so scared he fell off the couch.
Dude if I didn't piss myself last night I dont think I would have woke up in time for work.
i really thought "pants-shitting drunk" was an unreachable level until last night
when he was about to finish he told me to avert my eyes and keep my lady parts away. chivalry isnt dead.
He gave me a trycicle he stole from a kid as an "offering" to have sex. I couldnt say no when he went through all that.
seriously. next time...underwear. I'm not spending any other holiday season wondering if it'll be my last babyless one.
Well since its impossible for me to swallow a pill this big I'm making wine slushies out of them
Those two lesbians inspired me. A whole new way to roll. Fuck shots. Gallons of vodka is the new tequila.
The last thing I remember was doing a line in the shape of Texas
Guess who just got out of a ticket because the cop liked her costume? THIS GIRL.
i'm about to be the still-drunkest person on the ellipticals
Phil and I agree that the level of sand in your vagina rivals that of many of the earth's largest deserts
whenever i get involved w someone i'm gonna give you their number to testify to the fact that they should not fall in love with me
I'd give anything to be driving a pirate ship wearing nothing but a coconut bra and a grass skirt eating a pizza and watching dolphins jump in the waves. Dreams ya gotta have dreams
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