dude, boobs are like the porridge in goldylocks
So for a second i just thought clitoris was a disease.
Just saw a woman walking a golden retriever and a vacuum down the road. I miss downtown.
i told them to call me paula dean as i was making all 10 for $10 boxes of pizza rolls in the microwave
A French guy bit my cheek. Is that sexy there? Also had to threaten to stab the bus driver. I'm not sure I like Europe.
obviously my window is still shattered. they're pressure washing my condo today. i think i need a bloody mary.
At least in the future when we're all real people we can laugh about the time we all had scabies together?
jake and the teradactyl broke up, operation get high and find him a new girl who hasn't had sexual experiences with three delts simultaniously is in full effect.
Dude I should have just gone home with the guy with dreads and the cat
Apparently I was drunk enough to call he police station and ask if there was a problem with me.
I have seen you puke and 5 mins later rock my world. So there is hotness there that average people will never see..
I just woke up and my ass is covered in honey and my eye brows are shaved off.
Oh god he’s a clown I fucked a rodeo clown
Then you fell out of your chair, looked right at me and said, "You are sooo drunk."
I just found a live peacock hanging out behind the bar. I coerced it into my car and now I have a peacock bro that lives with me.
Randomize
