So I was blaaazed. & while he was in me all I kept thinking was how bad I'd rather be watching The Office.
Quick question... Why were there condoms frozen into ice cubes?
He was completely serious when he said my boobs were like "majestic white clouds."
drunk waterpark is besst waterpark.
If I ever die and svu has to come to my murder scene make sure they know I don't wear underwear always so it might not be as bad as they think
I tried to convince the Lobo Card people to take my pic with my sunglasses on because I will probably always be this hungover.
Hey, if I can't get it and you're still alive, can you get the glass out of my foot? Happy Sunday.
I did my walk of shame through a safeway at 8am to get YOUR hangover bagels. You're welcome asshole
I will turn myself into a beacon of get at me bro
I pulled a muscle last night drunk dirty snapchatting him
I also made him write a nonfiction romance novel about what happened and to give it to me when the time was right
Honestly I have a huge freedom boner right now and if I came it would be red white and blue
I'm pretty sure the guy on the dance floor with crutches just smacked me in the butt with one. Do you think he's flirting?
I knew it was love when he told me he wants to see me have multiple orgasms in one night
I feel like I should have held a press conference. The state of my vagina
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