just found his boxers balled up inside my tights, hidden in my freezer. damn i love college.
I feel that my census will not be the first census submitted soaked in beer
Ok, but If I make this happen, my first born son gets to fuck your first born daughter
So when I got her home I realized being a lesbian again isn't like riding a bike...
i think my love is proven by the fact that i still want to have sex with you after this conversation
I made my own utility belt like Batman. It has a cup holder for my beer, cell phone holder, a little pocket for condoms, and a sewing kit just in case.
I just ordered 30 klonopins from India that could probably be anything from Viagra to Midol. You need to find another friend to get advice from right now
Woke up in the ER with a nurse holding my tongue together inside of my mouth and a shattered jaw, the last thing I remember is opening the 151, care to fill me in?
went out last night. woke up with a lisp.
I just used my citation as a bookmark. Want a beer?
I'll meet you in hell with unlimited boxes of wine though
Man, coughing on your period is like the biggest gamble a girl can make.
Omg there's puke under my pillow. Clearly I puked and tried to hide it. From myself. \n
Got upgraded to First Class and now I’ve got the whole Pacific Ocean to seduce the very hot gentleman sitting next to me!!! Door closing, wish me luck!
Drinking at 10 in the morning and swimming might not be the best idea I've ever had but it beats working
Randomize
