I'm talking handstands, sex in broad daylight, waking me up in the middle of the night. CRAZY
handstands? WTF?
she was a gymnast
go to hell.
Tried to buy Xanax from my boss last night. Wrong Mike.
i am high, trapped with a bunch of skaters and asians watching a cat on lsd on youtube, the girl on the couch next to me is getting fingered, and there is lady gaga playing. god has forgetten about me
I told my mom happy mother's day then rubbed my belly and said "Oh, and happy grandmother's day too..." She started sobbing. You were right, that wasn't the best way to tell her.
Exactly, finding that perfect flask to come with you on all your adventures is like finding the perfect wedding dress. You have to feel it.
In a cab. Towels everywhere. Confused.
he stopped midthrust to put on his sex playlist and the first song was 'can you feel the love tonight'
where do you find these guys?
Oh yea... In other news I've decided to get an external hard drive and start getting music from all the guys I'm fucking... Do you think a terabyte would be enough storage space?
Somehow he made it really romantic
He came on your tits... That doesn't scream romance to me.
Got dumped. Now accepting nominations for my extra Dave Mathews ticket. No xboyfriends. Must cast final votes by Monday. Good luck everyone
Because I was drunk or stoned for 4 days. I either made terrible decisions or none at all.
I woke up in his bed wearing nothing but a penn state hat. We are....
we just drove past a kid stuck in a tree what a wonderful time to be alive
Im playing a game I have to take a drink every time my gram asks me the same question hammered by 4 guaranteed
If I end up in the hospital remind me to order jimmy johns.
Why?
They deliver.
Randomize
