Hey, do you have a beer bong you could drop off at my little brother's place?
im going to have to ask you to stop vomiting stars, rainbows, and butterflies all over your facebook statuses...
I wish my period boobs were my regular boobs.
He used his penis as a puppet and sang Rihanna's Hard..... so no, we will never see each other again.
how did we ever eat at restaurants where they DIDNT squirt-gun tequila in our mouths?
It's my birthday, I plan on masturbating and boating, maybe even masturbate on the boat.
dad just smoked me out. he's yelling at room service for not giving him cookies and milk with his towels...we're both too high to know if thats a legit complaint.
These pubs in Ireland act like hand jobs aren't the universal currency
Were gonna hotbox in the trunk. I think there's room for another half of a person if you're interested
I feel like everything in this room is sweating
Also he wants to know a casual, consise way to ask a girl in a bar if he could eat her out. Think on that.
I just remembered that we had an in-depth conversation about how it was too stressful to wear pants.
You started sleep walking, went to my closet, tried to pee on my boots, and when I asked you what you were doing you said "I'm talking to these people about jobs"
If you can endure a laser on the butthole, you can endure a wax on the butthole. Those are words to live by.
You were leaning against a fire hydrant asking people if they wanted to buy free pocket peanuts from you.
Randomize
