I kind of had a moment like that kid whose mom cancelled his WoW subscription, except I didn't try to shove a remote control up my own ass.
How many 'remember name' entries is it inappropriate to have in one's cell phone?
Disregard any previous text from the past 12 hours. Except for the one about scoring a strike while drunk bowling. Remember that one.
He is making me drink his THC water out of a milk jug.
I think i can hear god laughing at me and yelling "thou shall pay for thy habits of underage drinking" through a megaphone directly at my eardrums
I almost spit out my drink. But only almost, because it was vodka. And you don't spit out vodka.
I just watched our fat male neighbor dibble a soccer ball across the lawn. It looked like Baywatch with diabetes
She's started this new thing where whenever she drives by random couples talking alone outside she yells "break up! this is your sign!"
i'm covered in glitter and body paint WTF
We're showing the video later bring pizza
I was on all fours trying to empty the bowl we smoked into the sewer when your neighbor came out, but besides that it went smoothly
I swear, the guy behind me wasn't paying attention until the words "middle aged fuckboy" came out of my mouth.
I've had more orgasms than showers this week.
I'm having shoppers remorse over a dildo
We had sex and then ordered pizza after. This relationship is looking good so far.
am drunk, naked, and blow drying cat. need adult supervision
Randomize
