If I could pick any std, I would pick genital herpes. Seriously. Have you seen the commercials? The lady is riding a fucking bike, swimming, and on a date. I have a perfectly fine vag and all I do is go to the library.
I will fuck a handful of worms if you hold them
Ok I might come if this chair quits being so great...I'm also seeing this bush in the corner turn into a witch
we may have ended up at a gay bar on accident. we're gonna work this to get free drinks.
so I woke up without pants, but my cardigan was still on and fully buttoned. curious.
He was like a foghorn with a huge penis.
My goal is to upperdeck the house I'm at, because it's some girl I don't know's birthday. Welcome to adulthood, bitch.
Fun fact of the day: Our cat does not like rum.
He had a step stool to get in to his bed!
Haha it's harder than you'd think to come up with ways to turn your penis into a Christmas drawing
Walking into class right now and I swear to god I smoked down the substitute teacher we have at a party I went to last week
Woke up in bushes at UT didn't know I was Austin last night
I HAD TO PAY A COVER FOR THE FIRST TIME LAST NIGHT. My tits didn't get me in and I was so pissed.
You were giving me all the reasons why being the big spoon is such a responsibility, and how you wish you were a girl cause the little spoon does nothing
No idea who's grandma but people were just running around naked
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