Please explain to me what this has to do with my fantasy to fuck larry king?
week 6 of class: i have yet to go to spanish sober. i love being THAT girl.
just dd'd my mom home while she begged me to let her drunk dial my ex, jammed out to party in the usa, and then passed the fuck out. thanks for the genes mom.
the girl next to me just texted someone in her phone named Optimus Prime
...i wonder what he did to earn that nickname
He just kept muttering to himself "stabby stabby stabby stabby" while we were boning. I will never be boning him again.
She handed me a mouthguard and said "here, you're going to need this" that rough.
Def regretting not writing "will blow for extra credit" on my last final
at the hospital. the stripper fell on his face when she was trying to grab the dollar bill out of his mouth with her ass. broken nose for sure.
You know those creepy dolls that look like they are watching you from anywhere in the room? It was like that, but with his penis...
you're a fucking everclear ninja. the whole goddamn formal blacked out. you're the worst dj ever
but I'm the best friend ever. I got you laid
So apparently we wrote "Lube Shopping" in Paula's diary on every friday for the rest on the year....
Being the hot sister definately has advantages, I'm pretty sure I ruined her engagement
all I remember the next morning was crawling through the doggy door and finding my underwear in my purse
just had an allergic reaction to my dildo. My life is ruined.
Wakes up in a cold sweat at 3am, 136 unread messages and the preview on the notification is "I JUST GOT TO THE INCEST PART"
Randomize
