these two guys are about to go shot for shot with syrup
now he is talking to a potato
Nothing like a little anal leakage to start off Sunday morning. Can't decide if that speaks well of my weekend or not...
There's two girls at the bar sniffing each others boobs.
You know what I'm hearing? Blah, blah, blah, I have pneumonia, blah, blah, blah, I'm a quitter. COME OVER AND PUT YOUR PENIS INSIDE ME.
Didn't know what to wear so I ripped off my bed sheets and tied myself a toga. "a little hungover" is no way to describe me right now.
She called my landing strip a "vagina mohawk"....
Lesbians are weird.
She has a tattoo on her inner thigh that's an x with a long dotted line. So after she passed out I signed it. Dunno what else I was supposed to do...
All I do lately is eat steak, drink warm beer, watch porn, and avoid booty calls when I'm too lazy to take a shower. I think the apocalypse turned me into a dude.
My mom just told me the story of how she met my dad through prison. How was your saturday?
Saying someone's good at giving head is like saying someone is good at pouring juice like there is that one girl who will spill it everywhere but for the most part it's not that hard to be good at
I have to drop off my inflatable penis costume at the bar for my bartender. Do you think you could meet me there at like 630?
One of my life goals was never to see an uncircumcised dick. I guess that's out the window now.
Stop fucking Sharon's exes.
Sorry it took me so long to reply. I was fucking Sharon's ex.
I mean it's up to you where you want to sleep but I'm telling you you're going to hear us have sex no matter what room you're in.
Fair enough
I just put my eye make up on in the bathroom of the bar.... I may be too comfortable here....
Randomize
