Don't use my boy Weezy to support your whoreish tendencies.
So baked. Thought the twigs on the sidewalk were caterpillars with the ability to harden in self defense. Had to pick one up to be sure.
Did you pluck my eyebrows one night when I passed out?
Drinking vodka straight out of a beer bottle because I don't want to be judged. Not my best idea and not my worst.
I cant believe im wasting my plan b experience on this guy. I should have saved it for someone special.
I'd risk everything I own for 10 min naked with her, 2 would be sex and the rest me crying like a little girl.
He smacked my ass so hard my ass cheek looks like Wilson from Cast Away
I'm at my friends house alone, she's at spin class so I'm wearing her engagement ring and eating buffalo wings. It's 9:30am. Happy Valentine's Day.
We just stood outside and debated the existence of mermaids for about 20 min. Is this what too drunk is?
Im going to hell I gave him a handjob on the plane next, to an old guy playing video games on his iPad, on good friday.
Taking care of drunk people fulfills my need to be a mother
do you think there's enough of the fabric you gave me to make a crop top for a cat?
We put you in the box and you started to cry, that's how high you were.
THEY LEFT ME IN A CLUB BY MYSELF. I’M SO ANNOYED. I’M GOING TO FUCK THEIR BARTENDER FRIEND. Caps only because I’m really mad.
They made Game of Thrones Oreos. Kill me.
Randomize
