She forced me to throw up so it would "rejuvenate" me. It worked and then we took six more shots and did a keg stand. You know what I call that? Friendship.
I checked into jail on foursquare
She wants out first dance to be to 98 degrees i do cherish you...remember how i said we didn't need open bar....
I just won 10 dollars from out chugging the bar tender and I found out that the baby aint mine in the last hour. I don't even care if l get laid tonight any more.
i can't believe you just compared my dick to leprosy
Just FYI, I'm breaking up with my boyfriend tonight and you need to be on call to be my first rebound bang
Bitch, I been tryna reach you all day to talk to you about these Dorito tacos.
He pointed at some girls and said "I'm gonna have sex with them girls over there", and disappeared.
You know it's bad when I can already feel tomorrow's hangover before even drinking today.
It's like a toaster oven for my penis
It was relaxing until your penis crawled in my ear.
the cop asked if i was drunk and i responded with "breathalize me, cap'n". incidentally, he was a captain and i blew a .13.
I wish I was taller so I could give these boobs the publicity they deserve.
I thought he was a lobster and that the moon was going to pull me through him.
I don't think I should try acid.
Always great to be boarding a plane when you realize that what you thought was gas is actually very untrustworthy
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