i'm in hospital, i have an exam in 3 hours and the man in the cubicle next to me is doing a noisy poo. this has to get better.
I swear if she hugs me I'm going to bleach my body
Dude why does my asshole itch so bad?
I'll teach you how to wipe better
Dude...I'm drunk from Wednesday stilll.
it is 7:54 and i am surrounded by drunk old people. drunk enough that my grandmother and her friend just compared boobs. as in, shirts off, bras coming down. save me.
Dude. He drives a mini. Therefore he's a virgin
You know i think she's just using me for sex
I hate you.
You NEED to fuck him he's a doctor with one leg. Are you kidding me right now. This will definitely make the list. Plus he buys all of us drinks.
As payment for all the times you have babysat me while im drunk, im giving you the shorts i stole from the guy i stayed with on friday night. They're clean. Come get em.
i don't care if its just a preseason game, my pick up a guy and suck him off in the bathroom skills are in midseason form
There should be a rule. If your dick is under 6 inches, you are not allowed to dress as Thor.
I thought he was having it in Athens. Alright. Have fun. Please save my dignity and refrain from talking about my boobs and sexual "abilities". If I have any. I just feel like they are going to ask. Repeat after me. And repeat it 5 more times. This is going to be the phrase you're going to rely on tonight: "I can neither deny or confirm such actions."
Driving you two to the party with a keg belted into the back seat has given me a brief glimpse of parenthood. I am now more resolved than ever to never breed, so thanks for that.
THEY DIDN'T THROW MY PORN AWAY!!!!
I just woke up in a prom dress on your bathroom floor, yea I'm 32.
Randomize
