i have yet to find a random guy that would make me want to do any position besides missionary, these are what normal people call "applying standards"
If I sit on the seam of my jeans just the right way when the bass hits, this might be my new favorite band.
I woke up in a house cuddled up with a beagle on a futon. have no idea who anyone is but they all call me stretch. yeaaahhh boiiiiii
To justify your stumbling you just kept yelling 'it's the boat, not the drinks' We hadn't even left the dock yet....
im still trying to figure out who put the honey mustard in the blender then put the entire blender into the freezer
Is it cum slut, cumslut or cum-slut? Sexting, plz advise ASAP
oh no, don't get me wrong.. she IS really pretty. If you are in to horses or Sarah Jessica Parker.
Its hard to hear the music in here over his nasal whistle. And his breath smells like old milk. I think I need more vodka, and he better be buying. You owe me.
Well sundance is in town and Im going to use my one and only shot to bang Taylor swift... Does it count as a random if shes famous?
Tried to make hash outta one of those keurig machines. I don't know why. Maybe the drunkenness, but now I have mushy bud and no ganja
Had a grope session with a girl who looked like my Mom and had the same name as her as well. I think therapy is in order.
So apparently last night while I was drunk I read him erotic fanfiction while he was eating me out. He stopped every now and then to give me feedback.
Afterwards the first thing I said was, "You know, you're probably the first guy who has ever gotten laid wearing Star Wars pajama bottoms."
I’m going to cut back. New Year, New Me
I would never wish less dick on anyone but do what you gotta do
I didn’t want a minivan, but I have to admit it’s made it a lot easier to hook up with the dilfs at soccer tournaments
Randomize
