He said he used to draw on the walls with poop when he was a kid.
If a man's penis is referred to as "the family jewels" does that make a woman's vagina a jewelry box?
i was considerably less excited after they told me my present didnt have a penis
I'm too hungover to crawl to the fridge so im eating the candy nipple tassels I got bought for Christmas
Duuuude - Drag Queen Bingo wasn't supposed to end like thissss
This will be the 3rd time you have blacked out and lost your phone only to have some kind stranger find it, charge it, call me, then mail it back to you. Your luck amazes me...
I asked her politely not to touch my dick
He's scared I want a relationship? How does texting him at three am and sleeping with four of my exes symbolize that?
Reasons I shouldn't drink... My twitter drafts keep getting more and more emotional.
HE BEAT A GUY WITH NOTHING BUT RAZZLE DAZZLE AND HIS FABULOUSNESS
I'm still home, my life isn't together. Currently drying my pants
Did I turn a man straight...??
Yes!
He’s 21. The president of his frat. I’m 28 and have a career!
Do it. It’s a noble position.
I need to hurry up and get over my feelings for him so next year's tipsy reunion sex won't be clouded by emotions.
To be honest, I'm more surprised when you're not high at this point
Randomize
