I had to puke in a pizza box on the drive home. People saw.
He slapped my ass and hummed the jello theme song, which was followed by an overly loud "IT'S ALIVE!"
I just found three unopened cans of PBR behind our futon that I think I was saving for winter.
today is the best snowday of my entire life. also its no shirt day.
Help. Me. He just whispered 'prepare yourself', & sprayed hairspray everywheres to make sure the 'air was crisp'
How did you get a free t-shirt at the strip club?
I was attacked by whores
You threw up on yourself again didn't you?
They were strong whores
I'm high and I have a consensual booty call on the way and just thought that it was a good time to let you know that I think that you are a stellar person.
Been trying to fuck him since december. Finally got him into bed and he was uncircumcised. Why do bad things happen to good people?
Interesting occurrence: the application I use to keep track of my periods and sexual encounters just notified me it had been over 4 months since you were logged as an active partner and ask if I'd like to remove you from my options. Wow, kmsl.
I didn't want dick. I wanted spaghetti.
He climbed over 2 rows of the cab and told some random girl we were riding with that he would be in the back seat if she wanted to have sex
I'm pretty sure that cute cop drove me home. Especially since I found his card in my purse.
Like he was cock blocking and it usually takes ten cocks to block this cock
sarah's view on last night: a threesome to make things less awkward. oh, well done.
Only you could get too drunk for taco bell. I don't know if I'm jealous or ashamed. Go to bed.
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