so i stopped by cvs on the way home this morning, turns out hallmark doesnt make an im sorry my friend puked on your friend card, call me if were still speaking
Took an aderol, wrote a differential equation for solving volume of flow of a rectangular channel with change in depth, then masturbated for the 6th time.
The wedding was scheduled to start 5 min. ago. 20 people here so far, groomsmen in tees and jeans, catering by Costo. NO ONE OUR AGE IS READY FOR MARRIAGE!
he was so drunk I had to hold him up and he started crying when he heard an ambulance siren and said "is that for me?"
I asked her if she was the outdoorsy type, she replied "I had sex on a fourwheeler once, does that count?"
Remember...the emancipation proclimation is your favorite document, you love asian women, japanese food is the tits, and you willfully employ as many latinos as possible...
I was expecting a blowjob when she shoved me in the bathroom but instead she shaved my pubes into a mustache for my penis. I am still satisfied.
I asked a lamppost to be my valentine. Also: I'm wearing a sombrero. We need more sombrero in our lives.
We're high and this subject came up and I'd like a female opinion: if you were a dude, what would you do if a girl tried to give you a foot job?
WHY IS FOOD SO DELICIOUS
BECAUSE SCIENCE
Yup. Dog walker, house sitter and mistress to the rich, bored and bi-curious. I've got a nice little operation running.
To be honest, waking up to 20 naked people in my house was not the weirdest thing to happen to me in the past 24 hours
Seriously dude...who threw up on Michelle? She's been crying for like an hour
man do I wish I knew who this naked guy in my room was...
when I said eat the rich I didn't mean like that but here we are sucking that capitalist dick
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