If it wasnt for my iphone and loopt, I would still be wandering the streets in a drunken stooper. Thanks Steve Jobs.
the women in the ladies room did not appreciate my innovation of turning a sink into a urinal
I do regret it. But I can't unfuck her
I got you a housewarming gift. It starts with "A" and ends with "bottle of Jameson"
He made me a mix cd. There is obviously something wrong with him.
My TA just came over to give us drugs. Now he's drinking grey goose with my roommate and explaining his thesis to her. This is too much.
Travelers Top-Tip: Europeans do not appreciate being repeatedly referred to as "gypsy" regardless of how good your Borat impression is.
he made me feel like a shish kabob. his dick was the skewer.
and you said he wasn't worth calling.
Nothing brings people closer than bonding over tequila shots and running from campus security.
I'm sitting outside your room listening for sex noises eating pepperoni...slowly
Take a shit and have a hit. It's the Sunday Funday Rule.
You're too drunk for my bullshit, and i'm too sober to put up with yours. I have no idea how you expect to find middle ground here.
Your phone just changed "liver" to "liquor" how dose that make you feel
We keep making plans but he keeps getting arrested. Such a tease
I mean, if I asked you, would you cum on cotton candy for me?
Randomize
