He dyes his hair, fake tans and lies constantly. What did you really expect from him?
A better fuck for starters.
That chode just called off the engagement. I just dropped his toothbrush in the toilet. And I’ve forgotten to take my birth control for the past two weeks. He’s fucked!
so i gave him head in the movie theater last night. thought we were alone til I heard the clapping from the other side of the theater after he'd finished.
He nailed 50 frozen hamburgers to the ceiling last night. Now there are flies every where.
you can SEE the outline of a pad through her jeans. there is no way
i will be the first lesbian to ever fail women's studies.
i dont care how hungover you are, go back to the frat house and get him. HE IS 11.
she bonged a coffee cause she was hungover. then she bonged a beer cause she got ambitious. then she barfed. then she had to start over again.
YOU'RE FORCING ME TO BLOW A GUY BY NOT ANSWERING MY CALLS
Up until today, I never would have thought I'd have to tell someone not to color on the cat
You were a for sure 10. You put on a traffic cone to meet someone.
Well, she yelled at the stripper that she couldn't lick whipped cream off his nipples because she is lactose intolerant.
For a girl who cried from fear the last time she was asked out, this. Is. TERRIFYING!
The best part about theater chicks is nothing is too cliche or out of line. I just fucked her Braveheart style in my entry way while saying goodbye.
Man, I'm never going tanning again he noticed the burns on my ass
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