I want to take you away to a place of dolphin rides and hot stone massages.
the roller ball on my blackberry is the closest i've come to touching a clit in 2 years.
Worst night here by far. And ive slipped in my own piss so thats saying something
I five year old is judging me because I just opened a bottle of Sam Adams with my teeth before 8am
Three people drank on "never have I had sex in a tractor." Iowa at its best?
Halfway through he got an idea for a short story so he wrote it in magic marker on my boobs. Yeah, he's a keeper.
He said he was gonna go pull a lochte and the next thing we know he's outside ass naked peeing in the neighbors kiddie pool.
i miss freshman lecture halls much harder to take shots in a class of 20
You had two tasks: \n1) put on a condom \n2) text me so I don't walk in on you \nIt really isn't that hard
I can't. I drank 10 years off my life last night. I need to reevaluate. Sorry.
She's licking the whiskey out of the carpet. I think we may be soulmates.
Oh no. Did you guys fuck on my pull out couch?
Who's the naked guy asleep in your car?
Let's just say that I took off my pants and I had superman boxers on. Then she took off her pants and she had batman panties on. I think she's the one!
Does this cleavage amount say, “Fuck it, I’m over dating, let’s just fuck?”
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