There was an extended period of my adolescent life where my friends and I would get high, drive around in my minivan listening exclusively to the wu tang clan, and intentionally crash into snowbanks
party was madd awkward.. it was like every person who i sat next to in high school and never said hi to was there
I just found a bottle of gin in my vegetable crisper. Party is back on.
there was so much ham clogging the tub drain.. he said it was ok he has a cleaning lady
My mom just set up beer pong in the dining room for family game night. and you ask why I'm still living at home.
I just typed in random letters on his address bar... 5 out of the 6....a porn site was in the drop down list hahahahaha get a life bro.
I JUST SAW A SIGN LANGUAGE CATFIGHT
It's like you're the one guy who got the "girls have clits" memo.
Apparently I'm not allowed to call at 3am anymore and ask to speak to all his siblings. I was just trying to get to know the family
Damn you and your marathon penis with its superhuman capabilities
Got back to find Sarah in her underwear eating peanut butter and watching Arrested Development with the thermostat at eighty.
You didn't try to help me when I fell on the dance floor. She brought me cupcakes. You're a shitty friend, suck your own dick.
Pissing into the Grand Canyon is the single most liberating thing I've ever done in my entire life
Take home message: SPERM IS EVIL AND SHOULD NEVER EVER EVER BE ALLOWED UP ONE'S NOSE.
do I look like a person who has full control of their limbs and existence on this plane of reality
Randomize
