the only bad part about drinking alone is that in the morning there's nobody who can tell you what you did
They left at like 4. I got up to help clean their house this morning and we found his pants. No ones heard from him, we're all a little scared.
I woke up and the only 2 bowls I own were shattered on my floor. Pretty sure my hand and tailbone are broken and I have no idea what the fuck happened
there's no way I could forget finding someone else's hand in my pants
That sad moment when you flush your Molly down the toilet at the airport & watch your vacation slowly end..
Found an old burrito under my bed
You are a sick fuck
We fucked on a kid's slide, my vagina is singing praises of being used
Decided I'm going to wear a shirt that says "I'm sorry" whenever we go back to that fraternity
just had to get on my knees to snort an addy off the little sink at the daycare. teacher of the year!
IM GOING TO SIT ON YOUR FACE AND CHANT 'I BELIEVE THAT WE WILL WIN'
YOU RAISED A SWORD OVER YOUR HEAD AND SCREAMED AT HIM WHAT THE FUCK ELSE DID YOU THINK WOULD HAPPEN?!
Also, two points for knowing me well enough to know I definitely would put the moves on his brother.
You are talking to me during sexting hours. Be careful, innuendos are taken seriously
Your dad was just slow dancing with the priest and holding a beer. Classic
I might be getting fired on this week so the only option i see for tonight is to get smashed and have an orgy. actually this idea might explain why i'm not an ideal employee.
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