You would DIE at the bar we're at right now. All indian/asian med students, I swear
Asian doctor ratio. So hot. I would've gone into heat
remember that time i ran away from the bar and passed out in a street cot?
neither do i
thanks for being my friend even though im irresponsible with my vagina
Went to bed at 4 in a strangers bed. woke up wearing scrubs, realized i was gonna be late for work so i just wore the same clothes as the day before... i don't have a toothbrush and im pretty sure there is leftover semen in my mouth. at some point i think i was at the beach cuz theres is sand in my underwear. i love newport already.
Having sex with her was like reading the Wall Street Journal.
just fought my dog for the chicken pie I dropped on the floor.
sorry he hasn't talked to me since the surprise salvia incident...
Don't mean to be rude. But did you, by any chance, cut down a tree from my neighbors backyard last night? And did you also drag it to my yard and burn it?
A sandwich with pizza as the bread. I love you.
YES WITH THE SQUARE KIND OF SLICES
she asked me where ive been her entire life and the guy in the room next to us yelled "with other women bitch!"
So we broke my sobriety. Played life size childhood games. Broke into a cold hot tub and got laid. I think this is BFF quality!
I'm the only person who goes to break up a friends with benefits and comes out with a boyfriend
I made a bong out of my deodorant today. Did you?
So the 25yr old smokeshow I fucked last night said "Prepare to be disappointed" as he put the condom on. I was. 40 is bullshit.
the good news is I finally used my captain america waffle maker to make captain america waffles
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