just once id like to meet someone on craigslist who isnt fat
Disney World has no open container laws. Ohmygod this place is even cooler than it was when I was ten.
One of us needs to be functional tomorrow and it won't be me. I'm drinking liquor out of a fishbowl.
Note to self: Don't teach the naked lap rule in beer pong until after youve made a cup..
I sent him a pic of my tits.. All he said was, "oh your sun burn"
i have rugburns grass stains and some road rash. im an all terrain slut
she literally hasn't taken the mardi gras beads off in three days. she showered in them. TWICE.
soon, soon....
I don't believe you anymore. You're like the boy who cried coitus.....
Promise me you will not let me do anything sexual with or to a mini horse no matter how drunk we get. Ever.
it's like that moment that you're driving and realize you're lost except instead of driving i'm just sitting here in my living room drunk, eating a plate of sausages, drinking red wine and just thinking "i'm going to be 28 this year. i know people who are married, with beautiful and well behaved children. where was the wrong turn?"
Still drunk on my morning "run" which has turned into a walk. Just burped fireball
I danced shirtless on a platform with a fucking stripper who went to MIT
Turns out that fresh outta jail dick is quite something.
He’s 48, has a Prince Albert piercing and a white Range Rover
I smell Vodka. It's me. If anyone asks it's totally hand sanitizer.
Randomize
