I would do horrible things to your vagina.
Prove it.
i'm so high i feel like the people i'm chatting with online can some how see that i'm naked.
Just spent five minutes taking pictures of my hands for some random guy.
Thanks for reminding me why I talk about you behind your back. Get laid.
once he started yelling at me in latin, i wasn't sure what we were fighting about anymore...
He just yelled in the bar, "So I stuck it in two girls butts, why are you bringing that up now?"
As long as he sees me topless I don't care. Redemption. REEEDDDEMMMPPPTTIIIOOONNNNN
The main two things I remember from last night is you "spanking Katey into reality" and watching her barf in terror.
Last time I sleep with a guy with a penchant to fragrance his dick. Every time I sit to pee, I get a whiff of Axe body spray.
You know it's been a rough year when your therapist mouth is just wide open. And I didn't even get to the real issue!
He told me I was "too flexible." Excuse me?
I just noped my wife on Tinder. Turns out I was the second one to find out that we both have it.
She says the reason I don't talk to her is because I'm "emotionally lazy" what ever that means
I fell into the fireplace. That is a pretty good sign to stop drinking fireball
Riddle me this: How does one check in at the Marriott, but wake up at the W?
I have a burn on my hand, I'm covered in bruises, I think my toe is broken, and I have no clothes to wear home.
Randomize