I have a feeling we are going to become cougars together.
I just put anything in between my legs and hope for the best.
i told him to take shots to cure a hangover and he told me i was "walking the steppingstones to alcoholism"
on the way to work, i saw an empty wine bottle sitting in the middle of an intersection. i thought of you.
i can respect that.
It ended with me crying and eating pizza in my closet.
I just want to know who nailed the chicken nugget to the door.
I only want to make out with him. Unless I get hungry. In that case I will take him home and screw him as a distraction from eating.
say penis size is all related to how funny you are and then tell a feminist joke. if she laughs, you got double points, if she slaps you, she probably wasn't going to sleep with you anyway
A conundrum I think only you would understand: how to classily post "I need a ride to the liquor store" on one's Facebook wall?
I was chasing moonshine with vodka last night. I'm still not sure how I'm sober right now.
I have the rest of my life to settle down this is totally time for friends and pizza
I came so hard I went blind for a few seconds.
But if you do poop yourself let me know. I want that as a tagline. "So funny she'll make you shit yourself."
You took his virginity and then he got lost on his way back to his hotel room... We found him at 3am sitting on the sidewalk crying. Kudos.
she told him my safe word. I'm gonna casually work it into conversation and at him suggestively to see if he realizes i want to have rough sex with him
Randomize
