we went to that german restaurant and drank out of the boots. Then I threw up into one
I may or may not have slept in someones apt on your street because they told me I was fun sized like a mini snickers
i can totally see doctors naming an STD after you
im starting to measure my showers by the number of beers i drink while im in there.
I woke up with a black eye and dim memories of announcing that i had super powers. I shoved my pockets full of canned tuna and tried to jump off the balcony. And then my boyfriend called the cops.
so you're not coming in to work today?
It's going to be great. They guy at the store said 3 shots and you won't be able to feel your face or stop smiling.
Can we have fireworks this year or will the ocean explode?
On another note, convinced a 9 year old my hickey was actually a zombie bite.
Just headbutted a photographer. This convention just got really interesting.
At what point lastnight did a lens fall out of my glasses and nobody tell me?
If I could drive and get you Starbucks I would... But that's probably not a good idea. On account of the drugs.
Nothing like being buzzed at 10:20am off wine shots in Amish country
I made out with a guy because he ate a grape lollipop and he tasted delicious... not my proudest moment.
I don't need tinder boy anymore but I do need free sushi
Guess who just stumbled into work hungover, wearing yesterday's clothes, covered in hickeys and glitter, and carrying a giant bottle of rum in her purse.
I just took plan B at work.
This is the greatest story of all time.
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