I don't think I can get bothered with getting laid tonight
You better get here soon. I'm about to spend $30 on a cactus online
All i remember before i blacked out is you pointing to a random chick and telling me to bang her for America.
beyond obliterated. i recall legitimately trying to use a ballpoint pen as eyeliner.
Can you confirm that Victor fucked a girl for Jack in the Box tacos?
I cannot, but I know he fucked a girl for a Nerf hoop and a "Kingpin" dvd.
Tom is laying in a bathtub filled with ice pretending to be a polar bear.
I came back to consciousness and found myself sitting in a beanbag chair petting a 2 month old husky with one hand and eating an oreo Klondike bar with the other. This almost makes me forgive blackout lisa for making out with that chubbs at the xmas party
Just realized I could have five different dicks in me the day of valentines day but no real date. My life
Could you imagine living in a city where bartenders are available by 1:30 AM
I'd have like 4 kids by now and at least one std
Landen experienced Greenville for the first time last night. He was awaken by 2 cops and 4 EMS guys this morning in the bed of that truck that is for sale at the swashbuckler carwash, said he was trying to walk to waffle house... Greenville- 1, Landen- 0
What kind of present accurately says to my male suitemate "I'm sorry that I accidentally flashed you my vagina while I was super drunk"?
Easter was a success. We had an egg hunt and hid weed and conforms inside them. Cooked a ham, made some jello, got wasted. THIS is adulthood?!
He fell asleep cradling my ass and every time I moved he adjusted his hand accordingly. I've found the one.
At first it will make you think "how is this physically possible?" and then it will ruin an entire food group for you.
I ate cake in bed. Felt great
Randomize
