history professor just told us he has magic fingers. i'm going for it.
shes perfect for him. shes never seen a penis so she has nothing to compare his to.
I just remember her telling me "Hi, my names Kaissa and I'm a lesbian" over and over and over and over again as I was crying.
its really sad that i have to specifically make this a rule but, absolutely no lighting smoke bombs indoors at my birthday party.
I DON'T CARE LET'S GET DRUNK AND GO. I STRAIGHTENED MY HAIR DO THIS FOR ME.
That one life defining moment when you catch yourself pouring whisky into your hot chocolate at 4 am, whilst crying and talking to your dog.
So a list of things I should stay away from bringing up at dinner with your fiance tonight?
1) you and I went to a strip club 2) i saw you topless at said strip club 3) i cried when we watched the Real World
Do you know how hard it is to was the scent of sex from your hair in a gas station bathroom?!
Everyone heard you scream that I was to be naked, in your bed in 5 minutes. We were one hell of a shitshow spectacle
Honestly I'm not even that excited to see my boyfriend. I'm more excited to see his penis. His penis inside of me.
Just checking to make sure you weren't kidnapped, pregnant or watching Fox News.
he was the first penis i touched… i have to go to his shitty bands first gig, i mean come on now
Wtf did i hit my head on?
Tequila
So random question: what's a good way to tell your brother that his Skype sex kept you awake last night? I'm not really sure how that conversation begins.
I just woke up with a cowboy hat on my face and a playboy from the 90s on my chest
Randomize
