dont worry your back hair reminds me of angel wings
It's really awkward to greet the pastor when I know I've licked chocolate syrup off his daughter's chest.
Peanut butter while high is kinda stressful
At victory brunch. Have a decent story. Im now eskimo brother with the duke mens basketball teams from 2002 to 2008 and obamas right hand man
i robbed the continental breakfast last night
You cleaned out the gashes in your leg from hopping that fence with that whipped cream vodka, didnt you?
I almost got away with it until she smelled beer on the stroller.
playing nyquil roulette. it entails taking shots of nyquil and hoping it doesnt kick in during sex or in public. game on.
Oh, that was the alley that I ate a pine cone in.
Seriously insulted!! You can not share my dick pick with your gay brother. He won't quit poking me on fb
I'm convinced he's the patron saint of oral sex
The first crop top of the year and you're rocking it in the ER. #ratchet
What is my life?
you must be at least a level 5 friend to unlock my sexual orientation
she was puking nonstop out of the car window in the rain during our hour long drive back, we got lot of honks
Ok, maybe playing "whose family is most dysfunctional" wasn't the best drunk idea we've had. Todd''s been crying in the bathroom for an hour. We can't get him out...
Randomize
