My roommate and I had a nyquil contest. The nyquil won.
the stripper made me go home becuz she had to take her kid to a birthday party in the morning
Thats about the time I should have known you would run around naked and try to make out with my sleeping mother
if you could put a roof over IU campus it would be the biggest whorehouse in the nation
is the shake weight an appropriate valentine's day present?
I made her cum... she sounded like Ray Romano
Dude we need to petition the city about running buses later, none of my booty calls own cars
He's tryingto open a beer with a Police baton. Cut him off or see where this leads?
Dude, seduce him with cookies. You almost turned me gay with scones. Don't be surprised when they get you laid.
But the guy you're fucking should not be within ten pounds of your weight when you're five fucking feet tall and he's 6'2". That's all I'm saying.
don't do it for the experience, do it for the story. now get your ass in that bedroom
One last thing: he lists glow sticks and tacos as things he can't live without. How would we not be friends??
But seriously. What possible excuse could I come up with to ditch my parents on Christmas to go fuck him?
I just had a flashback to us shaking up Gatorade mix and then inhaling it in your kitchen because it was funny. Now I can't stop laughing in work because that is the stupidest shit.
i said cake fell into my bra, you stood up and yelled "Im coming soldier", leaped acrossed the couch and started motorboating my boobs. i would have been cool with it if your mom didnt keep calling me the "lesbiainizer"
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