my girlfriends now gay ex-boyfriend kissed me. tell maddie i can't hangout today
Denial is the first step to alcoholism…and I don't hate it
Tip for today: never try to fart and swallow at the same time. You'll end up choking on whatever you are currently swallowing and shit yourself from the freakout of choking.
I got so many pubes stuck in her braces that when she yanked her head, I cried out like that one girl you "accidentally" rear-ended last week. Bald spots are battle scars.
guess where i woke up this morning? If you guessed the hospital, you sir are correct.
Important life lesson - flammable and inflammable mean the same thing
No our divorce decree will not have a blow job clause. Unless my alimony is greatly increased your bj's have been reduced to fantasy status.....
We were eating hotdog buns dipped in French onion dip in lawn chairs at 4am. That drunk
Watching frozen planet. There's a beach master sea lion with about 50 sea lion bitches fighting another sea lion for said bitches. It's a bloody battle. Dude. You have over 50. Share.
Stand up sex. Extremely, extremely difficult. I now know how pointe dancers feel.
You rolled around in the grass BEFORE we went in and said it was because "ladies love that eau de earth"
He's sitting in his room on Facebook with nothing but a pillow covering his crotch. I can't help you at the moment.
I was at a bus stop, eating a load of bread. Fairly sure I'm the poster child for poor students.
When i like your selfie it means one of two things. 1. thats a nice photo, friend. OR 2. I wanna bend you over a table. But youll never know.
It was a "my chaser needed a chaser" kind of night
Randomize
