I don't usually arrange sex via text message
I Bought a bracelet with bible characters and a charm broke. the virgin mary one. Do you think it's a sign?
this is the fifth day in a row i've woken up after 3 pm, hungover. I might die when snowmageddon is finally over and we have to go back to class. my liver wont know how to take it.
Do you remember calling me a cuntasaurus rex last night?
Make the kitchen floor stop waving. Im trying to lay on it
As part of the off-hours team building exercises, I had my new coworkers figure out to push me back to the hotel from the nearby bars in a shopping cart every night for a week.
shes wearing an ankle tracker so she should be easy to find
I AM VODKA MAN
Took off my bra at the laundry mat to throw it in I am officially white trash
I'd just like to inform you. That when I was at bvj the first day I was blackout drunk by noon. Get on past Chelsea's level like now. Do it for present Chelsea
It's like the drive of shame on fucking Christmas. Happy birthday Jesus
I'm drunk. And I'm alone. Eating chicken fingers in my underwear. I'd say life is grand.
I just remembered that the guy I slept with last night has "USDA PRIME" tattooed on his ass
We were making eye contact while i was throwing up.
First dip in a brand new jar of Nutella, and my man’s dick are two things I will not fucking share.
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