before smithy murders me i need you to know 3 things. 1) i got with smithy's little sister last night. 2) i will always love you like my own brother. 3) smithy's little sis digs anal.
I just bought a CD. I feel like a traitor to my generation.
My boobs grew. They knew we were going to vegas.
let's get a trip to cabo together for next spring... they have to have forgotten about me by now
I heard about the break up and if you need a place to stay my vagina is open for you 24/7
I don't know how I'm gonna do that tomorrow. I feel like I was hit by the motorhome. LOL I WAS.
You're just mad because I look hotter in my mug shot than you do in yours
I feel like it'll be a success as long as she doesn't end up dead in a ditch. There has to be a line somewhere.
Well. Turns up no one actually knows who that kid was. Came in, said happy fathers day, chilled for a while, then left.
She was wearing my robin hood hat from Halloween shouting "steal from the rich and give to the poor, mothafuckaaaaas." We are taking her everywhere.
He sent me a pic of her engagement ring and then STILL asked for nudes.
I'm starting to question if I'm gonna need to bring a raincoat just to drink around u
U act like I can cum on command
I smell like a brewery and I have been drinking for 7 hours. This seems like a perfect time to tell my husband I want a divorce.
I just ate a handful of salt
I thought this was a good idea
She turned off her phone alarm (which was the theme song to Star Wars) and then asked me if I wanted a blow job before she went...of course I am going to see her again.
Randomize
