I see an opportunity for you to use your nakedness to cure my boredom.
jersey shore has given me a vivid depiction of what things will be like for me once i get to hell
what did you hear about me?
that you are a very nice girl and a pleasure to be around
that was hard to say and not laugh
i just sold a bong and some oregano to fifth graders for sixty dollars. doing something tonight?
so we started it doggy style, but since we were really drunk kinda fell to the side and turned into a 'lazy dog'... my new favorite position btw
And we hooked up in the carwash. I told you our creative juices were flowing today.
apparently i told her i wouldn't press charges if she brought me food.
Being at this bar with grandma is a real cockblocker
his dad came out and found me sleeping indian style on the couch with my cup balancing on my boobs. didn't spill a drop.
Woke up with my face in a bowl of cereal. This is tequila's way of saying fuck you.
I found a video on my phone from last night... You got up on the table at McDonald's and screamed BURRITOOO!
I settled on "Merry Christmas! Btw you may have chlamydia". I thought a nice holiday greeting would soften the blow
Opened my notebook to coke all over the pages. So, if that's any indication on how this weekend went.
Helped a guy at work today that did nothing but stare at my chest....safe to say the Girls were looking G.O.O.D. today.
Protip if he licks the back of your knee and you reflexively kick him your game of 'lick the lady' is over.
Randomize
