Let's get naked and see who's stronger.
I like how she turned her beer into a wet t-shirt contest
i can totally tell he's high. he's having a conversation with my dog.
Disadvantage of being gay..... my gag reflexes makes trying to make myself throw up extremely difficult.
there needs to be a build-a-bong store...
Drank another frat president under the table. Thinking of starting my own, gonna call it Alpha Phi Alcoholics
buying new sheets for when my mom visits. I can't in good conscious let her use the ones from last night
If you're fucking that other dude, I'll take the sloppy seconds. I don't care.
Called Jeff last night and told him I wanted to have sex in the airport terminal. Blackout Brooke definitely came out last night.
Update: I only have one shoe. The other one now belongs to the gods of jello-wrestling. May it rest in peace.
The judge mental looks i am getting while looking at porn on my phone sitting in the urgent care waiting room is gonna get way worse when they find out im here to see if im pregnant
Mom just told me I need to start having sex.
I spilled wine on my pillowcase and I figure it's basically my lifeblood so I'm just leaving it
Jesus I was next level high last night having a mental epiphany about the state of Virginia
I thought I needed to get laid. Turns out I just needed pasta.
Randomize
