It's official. I'm a squirter. Wasn't a one time thing.
i woke up this morning next to my toilet covered in an attempt to make blanket of toilet paper
They live so far away from me that not fucking them both would have been financially irresponsible
she wouldn't play beer pong with me unless I took off the rollerskates.
All I want in life is to get high, take a shower, and him to go down on me. Simultaneously. That's legit my idea of heaven.
The best part of that night wasn't even the sex, it was listening to her explain to her boyfriend why she was naked in her room while I hid in her closet.
When did we convert life to cartoon?
I can't figure out if I'm dying from all of the booze still in my system, or from the cement wall.
Does it count as working out if stops are taken every half hour to smoke a blunt?
I just wanna get drunk in a castle. Is that so much to ask?
If I got paid for every bad decision I've made I would be one rich bitch by now
We just fucked each other sober. #goteam
sometime during the night he found me in the empty hotttub singing marvins room in only my bra.
No one should have to go to work between Christmas and New Years, but here I am twirling in my office chair and putting Jack in my coffee like I’m back in college studying for finals.
I just motorbotted some guy and my hair got stuck in his nipple ring...owww
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