I am drunk raised to the nth degree. The possibility of getting sick is approaching infinity.
"Hung over, tired and having a faint scent of some body butter and random pieces of glitter from a girl named gigi, almost arrested in drug bust, $40 Canadian in my pocket and all i got was this lousy Tshirt" shirts dont exist, but they need to
Ya,, he does have virgin eyes. Thats a real thing you know...
he walkred up to the manager at dennys and said 'look, my friends passed out in your bathroom, can i go get her?'
Please come and rip my uterus out before it does it itself
Bryan's allergic to that cheap detergent, so he's been naked for three days. But we're all used to it now, so the party is still on.
Aaaaand now he just flexed his muscles at me and said "I'm a fucking eagle!"
I like that you use a Disney movie to describe the starting of our BDSM relationship, lmao
Does she know she is talking to people who slam shots of fireball and chase it with vodka?
He sent me a dick pic for every page I had to write for final papers (87) & brought me adderall. Tell me that isn't romance.
I just took a plan B pill with my preworkout. That's the level I'm on today.
This is a long quiet interstate without somebody to sext.
He sent me a snap with the dog tongue filter. I might have to bench him.
I'm making a sandwich topless right now. Remind me again why I don't have a boyfriend?
You know that panicky moment when you go home with a guy and realize you’ve been there before?!? HAPPENING RIGHT NOW!!!
Turns out I banged his son a few months ago but the kids back at college so I don’t have to worry about him walking in while Dad has me bent over the couch
Randomize
