I was eating out this girl yesterday and when I finished, she asked me if I wanted to take any home with me. She was serious, dude!
What does that even mean?
All I wanna do is sit in water and get drunk. The only thing more American is giving birth to eagles.
Well, I just watched him puke into his pitcher at the bar, I doubt he cares about anything other than the fact that he needs a new beer.
He got arrested in front of the church last night. Looks like we need to find a new location for the wedding.
i think that after ALREADY drinking that much, the tube shots may have been a bad idea.. i mean afterall, i did wake up and find my cell phone IN the bonfire the next morning.
We're in ER. He's high on morphine and I'm drunk. Gonna score some bed pans for jello shots.
I expected to wake up with a sext of you posing nude and all I got was a missed call.....disappointed.
I'm sorry I think it was because I lost a chicken nugget in my purse and that's all that was on my mind until 4am
Every time I think about it I can feel His toe in my mouth and I gag, I'm scarred for life.
Let's get really high and wear fake mustaches and try not to laugh at each other...
Nah. And this is true. It's like you were trained by sexual Jedi or something.
*jedi wave* this is the penis you were looking for
Why would I take you home? That would eliminate the chances of you making bad decisions I could ridicule you about later.
And I'm glad you're waiting to invite him over. he may have a weird penis thing and then dinner becomes awkward.
That isn't the worst part. It got a bazillion times more awkward when he read me a poem he wrote about his dead cat.
it's like that time i was drunk at relay for life. but with balloon animals...
I don't know what that means but it's making me want to fuck you.
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