The man at the Honda dealership told me I smell like vodka and probably shouldn't be driving.
The bartender laughed but the manager kicked me out when the mom conplained. There's no way my fart harmed that baby in any way
Can you deep fry cheerios do you know? crucial question
I mean, I'm all about sharing, but when he tells me about his wet dreams about Oprah, I think it's taking it too far.
we took shots then she made me eat a dill pickle with cream cheese wrapped in a piece of turkey.
So much for not drinking this week after this weekend.. Congratulations. U made it until tuesday.
It's "your husband had his mouth on my vagina" awkward.
is it mean that i live tweeted about whether or not my roommate and her bf were having sex or were wrestling?
He ate me out while I was wearing a tiara.... I think I could get used to this
I have to confess something, I may or may not have knocked on your window at 2:30 am while balancing on some guys hands. We found tequila.
Things you Cant unsee: When your smartphone syncs to your dads laptop and downloads photos...including his porn stash.
Go tell your boss to go fuck himself because you have beer and doritos and zombies waiting on you
Never thought an ATM max withdrawal could be such a good thing...
I POOPED CONFETTI TOO. Ingested unacceptable amount of it oh my god can I die from this?
I guess she found the pillow case full of vomit I hid last night: "Oh my God. Oh my God. In my fucking FRIDGE?! Really? Hope your dick falls off there's puke all over my food. Fucking die."
Randomize
