How can i ever say i miss u when u wont go away
He had some BAD nuttage
Nuttage?
It's like cleavage......... but different
I jsut got pulled over and passed the sobritaty test.
Good thing spelling doesn't count.
if your not going to answer your phone this is just going to be an embarrassment tomorrow
I STRONGLY considered not bringing that guy home with me last night simply because I'd JUST changed my sheets that morning.
Also, at 1:30 I emailed myself saying, "are you there Margaret? It's me, god"
Sober me does NOT approve of what went on in my pants last night.
You need to simmer down or I'm going to buy you a labia leash.
You kept trying to throw the grocery cart off the balcony.
Dude, it could be so much worse. That Dale kid lost a toe I think.
Uhh... I think I meant "Be proud, I'm taking shots before my public speaking test." "Coffee and vodka is not good" and "Also, I'm giving blood drunk."
I'm like 87% sure some random guy starting biting my ear after grinding me for like 30 seconds... I feel suprisingly unconcerned
I live vicariously through you. No one mistakes me for a hooker anymore. I look like a stay at home mom of three. On bad days of four.
Lets watch game of thrones and have sex every time someone is naked. It'll be like a drinking game but better.
It was like in the Christmas carol when the guy pulls his robe back and 2 small children appear... except this time it was a massive scrotum
Randomize