Do you ever think that bumblebee is the gay transformer?
Every day of my life.
Every time I type "should" my phone autocorrects to "shouldn't". even my phone knows my ideas are terrible.
I'd invite him but there's too many people who have fucked me going already
i just overheard someone saying that they invented the 'tequila mockingbird' last night. sorry, but i found better friends
I decided that I do the same thing when i'm drunk with every guy who has a girlfriend...lecture them on how bad cheating is, then hook up with them. I'm like good cop, bad cop.
Well, at least he doesn't refer to you as his associate. his mattress associate
pro-tip: weed infused snickerdoodles are far less conspicuous to eat at work than brownies. no one ever suspects the snickerdoodle.
Is it bad that I'm a 32 year old woman that is so afraid of commitment that a hamster is too much responsibility?
he went down on me to a drake song and now i think i need a penicillin shot
Like if it it's practical for your sexual health I'm allergic to it AKA REGULAR CONDOMS
It's no shave November. This is our time.
I was thinking about the biological process causing me to puke while I was puking. THAT'S how much I'd been studying.
The stall at this bar had mirrors all around. I just looked at myself take a shit from like 3 different angles
We haven't had hot water in our dorm all weekend. Do you know if there is any other way to wash off shame?
Yeah. I hurt his pride. But he's not over it. And by it I mean me.
Randomize
