according to the woman who took my blood today, i have "party veins"
I also referred to her clitorous as her "vagina dot" last night...probably going to be dumped soon.
He sent me a picture of his dick with a cowboy hat on it.
Might just stay in and drink cuz of the hurricane. Yea I think Wisconsin might be safe but its a good reason to drink.
I'm crossing my legs while pooping. Taking a shit has never looked so proper.
I'm serious. My alarm label is "BAR TABS" as motivation for me to wake up in the morning and go to work.
The less fucks you give, the more fucks you get. Kinda like "a penny saved is a penny earned" but with vagina.
No no no no no no.... That's my emergency bottle for when I realize I've hit rock bottom
Going to the u of w I constantly have that moment of, oh hey I felt you up at that rave at folk fest that one time. Winnipeg is too small.
Drugs are gluten free tho, right?
Because you failed to stop the wedding, now I have to be a homewrecker. My eternal damnation is on your head I hope you're proud.
The hot streak continues..if life was NBA jams i would be "on fire" right now
I just watched an old episode of Daria while eating brownies to cure day drunkness. Clearly I'm winning at adulting today.
I smell like cotton candy and guilt.
You'll be pleased to know I just had an elaborate day dream about your penis. you were there too.
Randomize
