It's Friday. Sex?
made out with three guys on the first night of college orientation, just imagine what joys all of next year will hold
He passed out while I was riding him, and just when I was about to call it quits he opens his eyes and squeezes my boobs and goes Honk! Honk!
When I told her that her boyfriend was making out with another chick, all she said was "which one"
They're doing a Bong-A-Thon for 4/20. I don't care if you quit. You are coming out of your weed retirement for this.
Chicken strips. I got my nose broken because of Chicken strips.
Also, I imagined that his bacne was bubblewrap and that made it much more tolerable
I FINALLY HAVE A REASON TO DYE MY PUBES BLUE!!!
If I could drive and get you Starbucks I would... But that's probably not a good idea. On account of the drugs.
I CAN ONLY BE THE BIRDIE ON YOUR SHOULDER WHO LEADS YOU INTO BAD DESCISIONS
My book, "How to Live With a Huge Penis" was delivered today. Can't wait to read it in public.
He rubbed aloe on my sunburn while I blew him... could he be anymore perfect?
you didnt realize it, but you puked in the bushes in front of a church and yelled "GOD IS DEAD"
every day is bullshit and fuck everyone. That's my motto for the week
Grumpy Cat is dead and fuck EVERYTHING.
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