Yo I'm just eating dinner now. U ready to go out?
Ya ya. Where you eating?
Cereal and beer. U kno u want in.
Please dont use Danity Kane lyrics to describe your emotions.
dude if i could bring that prime piece of meat home, id be the luckiest average-looking girl who ever lived
I woke up, not remembering how or when or why i was even there and looked over to find Steph spooning with an adult black man.
Her dress is practically falling off. It must know I'm here.
She somehow inhaled a tack last night, she's having surgery today.
Apparently it's poor taste to ask for a break up blow job...in McDonald's. Also, that's not the best way to break the news either.
The jerky fairy visited my fridge. It's glorious.
you were wearing a pair of wings and handing out McDonalds apple pies, if anyone refers to you as the "Rave Fairy" you now know why.
THIS EXPLAINS SO MUCH.
It was awkward at first he now knows I fucked his little brother, they were both there. then the tequila kicked in and everything was fine.
OK BUT WHO THE FUCK FORGTS A LIVE CHICKEN IN MY HOUSE
I just changed all my morning alarms to wake me up with different Jesse McCartney songs telling me I'm beautiful. Would you believe I'll be 25 this year?
I thought accidentally shaving off my fingertip while trying to shave my butthole was going to be the most unexpected part of my day, but no
I'm not going to waste the next hour of my life writing a diplomatic email explaining that she's bitch. I have Parks and Rec to watch.
I'm eating ice cream out of my purse
Randomize
