i mean really, i cant compete with a cucumber
so I just used the H1N1 mask my mom gave me for college to hold in a bong hit longer... god I love orientation week
So they discontinued the hummer... Now people will have to go door to door to let others know they're assholes
I'm shutting down my vagina temporarily...it's like the last two weeks were a going out of business sale...and now it needs a break...
get over here soon, theyre throwing bbeers at us from the roof. keyword : throwing
I think we should bring back the casual nipple tassel
And I was chasing apple pie moonshine (provided by cops) with bud light limeys. In a golf cart, wearing a tiara.
At least now when I say "never again" the likelihood is that it won't actually happen again the next weekend...that my friend is called growth
In the last 3 months, I've slept with an ex,someone single, someone in a relationship, someone married, and someone divorced. I should get some type of grown up girl scouts badge.
The lady at target couldn't scan my grocery item and just looked at me and said "just take it. I hate this fucking place". Best munchie adventure yet.
VAL. THIS MOTHERFUCKER IS LAYING IN MY BED WEARING A CAT SHIRT, VAL. COME SAVE ME, VAL.
you are the root of all my greats nights and my worsts decisions
HOLY FUCK i just remembered we had bows and arrows and firecrackers last night
and flaming arrows and vodka
how did we not set your garage on fire
You know its a good morning when you wake up with blonde hair extensions in your pocket. . .
My first love was gay too, it's okay.
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