Just witnessed a fat girl fall off the treadmill, pop a medicine ball, and drink coke out of a water bottle all in one workout.
Too tired to do the dishes so I made mac and cheese in a teapot. There's still some left if you want some...
I just criticized a porno's use of editing. Film school is ruining me.
i normally make it a rule to leave when white people start rapping... but they had blow.
Currently microwaving whipped cream to make white Russians and hotboxing the kitchen while this random kid is dancing in the corner.
Until then we have the self affirmation from retweets and nights alone with pizza..
You're welcome to join, but just to warn you, tequila makes my clothes disappear. And I'm telling you that as an adult to an adult, not as your supervising teacher who decides whether or not you graduate.
And that's the fourth pair of yoga pants with unwashable stains from you.
Not my type, but the penis looks fun.
A stripper just invited me to her daughter's birthday. Where did my life go wrong?
You know Sunday Funday was a success when 'puke and rally' came at lunchtime on Monday.
Shriek
Are u alive? If u are, you deserve an award.
But I thought it was so funny last night
You also thought you were a gypsy mermaid last night
There is eyeliner on my toilet. Vodka and I have a love hate relationship.
Can you get an STD by sharing underwear? Walk of shamed home and realized I was wearing someone else’s panties
No one knows. This doesn’t happen to normal people.
Randomize
