he took off my shirt and said 'oh my god the legends are true'
so my doctor just swabbed my throat, and he looked up in suprise when i had no gag reflex. yea, he just judged me.
i was driving around baked, windows down jamming to third eye blind and eating grapes for 35 minutes before i remembered why i left my house
If we can only get laid once in a blue moon, apparently this will be our month.
You will never know an awkward moment until your parents pick you up from a one night stand.
Like her Facebook page isn't even hers. It belongs to her tits. It's Titsbook
Last time Jon threw a party I woke up on my porch, no shirt but 4 bras on, and "make better life choices" written on my stomach in sharpie
btw you left your chapstick on the nightstand and bruises on my body...
gifts from me to you. you're welcome.
Just had a VERY VIVID visualization of wrapping a pizza around my cock and fucking its brains out. Soooooo less weed more dates?
I can't find the remote or the Doritos. Someone call 911. S.O.S. I sent this in Braille.
It was bitter sweet because I woke him up with sex but then I peed in his bed with him in it
I just forgot I was standing up.
My weirdest encounter with a stranger though was when for some reason they just gave me a box of unopened socks. Needless to say, I never used them.
So let me get this straight I was getting drunk with our science teacher from high school and you got drunk with an 82 year old woman who invited you back to her house and made you sandwiches.
Yes.
Star Wars means nothing to me. I know only the basics. Darth is Luke's father. R2 is short, C3 is gold. Yoda sings Rainbow Connection. The kinda stuff EVERYONE knows.
Randomize
