Ha Ha the cop that just pulled me over would like me to tell you hi!
I even resorted to pole dancing with the street sign. I have an extra $20 now because I think people were paying me to leave.
heading to class now, facing the weekend consquences
I think being a buddhist has made me a better drunk
We woke up under the ping pong table holding hands.
My vagina is depressed thinking about her future.
Currently bleeding through my leggings. Not good. Not good at all.
Hospital.
I am invincible.
He gave me an elaborately handwritten invite (on a bar coaster) back to his place and whispered in my ear 'i have ping pong'. And he said byob. fuck THAT.
Chick in class has 69 tattooed on the back of her neck. Target acquired.
Are you still feeling it? I'm in the bathtub. The water doesn't work but it's okay because I'm wearing pants.
wanna mail me your GoPro for St.Patties and I'll mail it back to you coverend in puke?
we were clicking our heels together saying theres no place like home, while the cops were tellin us to call our parents and tell them what happened.
Drunk me wants sober me to be happy, woke up with half a dozen doughnuts in my bed this morning.
From now on he's gonna have to shave first. It feels like I got eaten out by a chainsaw!
So apparently my bro is going to make me fix his tattoo this trip... He sent me a pic of said tattoo. Tattoo is of a sperm, on his penis, which was in a woman's mouth... Wth
Randomize
