If I had a nickel for every time I've used a condom, I'd have... two nickels.
On this egg donor form, it asks "In the past 5 years, have you had sex for drugs or money?" It only gives a yes or no option and no place to explain myself. What do I do?
beer pong: waldo and ernie vs. bacon and eggs... i love halloween
I've had cake for breakfast the past 3 days. You tell me how bikini season is going.
Why can't public transit accommodate my lifestyle of drinking til midnight on a Monday?
Would it be considered cannibalistic if I wanted to eat off his bacon tattoo?
You're not stopping till I see you on the ground trying to hold on to shit
It is becoming increasingly more likely that my entire halloween costume will be entirely composed of borrowed clothing from the two girls I'm hooking up
I owe a guy a shoe because I threw it over a fence. That is all.
Why do I even exist?
Apparently I was proudly showing him the cup I barfed pizza rolls into
So you're mad that you saw a penis at a swinger's party? That's rational
I lost the back to your old name tag last night in a girls shirt. It got me a view of some titties though, I guess in some way you're still doing your brotherly deeds
Please hurry. I'm the only one here who's not an attorney with a trophy wife.
my extended weekend of being as irresponsible as possible started with blowing the bartender in the bar bathroom. off to a good start.
11:30 and people are pissing in the sink. It's gonna be a good night.
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