god i wish i could take a shit and a shower at the same time
i'm going through the NYU 2014 group looking for future drunken hookups. too slutty?
Just threw up in a trash can by the ATM. Then pulled out money for weed.
You broke out your mechano set and told us you were gonna "build us a beer machine" and 5 min later you were fast asleep
she made me take her to the grocery store to buy a gallon of sweet tea and a shit ton of band aids, the cashier asked if someone was hurt and she replied "not yet.."
FYI, your girlfriend is on her way to the ER. She tried to balance a bottle of jack on her chest. Smashed toes, blood all over patio. Call her, kinda funny though.
The only thing that was weird was that it WASN'T weird when she got out of the shower and saw me blowing him.
I went on a psycho cleaning spree so I feel I've earned the right to spend the day in bed watching porn and eating sausage biscuits. If you bring alcohol you can join me.
All other girlfriends are inferior. You are the chosen one.
Sorry for pissing on y'all's floor last night
for not the first time in my life, my clothes are covered in piss and i'm standing in line waiting to buy pedialyte at a convenience store
Most of my life can be described like an HBO prison drama.
Okay I'm ready to show you that my weiner still works
Too late, I'm convinced it's broken
You spent the entire night trying to catch pigeons and hugged a homeless guy and then gave him a pregnancy test.
The cl.oudds are foaming a really big pen.Is OMG.
I don't remember anything from last night, but at track I found my thong next to the high jump pit... So it must has been decent
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