I kind of wish I was already fat. So I could eat all I want and not worry about getting fat. Cause I'd already be at that point.
he just invited me over for the 3 p's...pepsi pizza and porn...I'm gonna marry him
My dora the explorer band aid does not cover up the shame i feel right now
She has puke on the back of her shirt not quite sure how the hell she did that
I know. It's cray. Crayon. Crayolaaaaa.
Nothing motivates a person to clean their apartment like puking up cheese ravioli beer-tequila chicken wings for eight hours.
I've shit my pants 4 times in 12 hours... Never trust a fart when u pass 30
Who knew you could get a drunk in public when jogging with your dog?
Let's say hypothetically if you were going to put icing on a penis and then lick it clean...what would you ice it with? Not a knife right?
She's like the Jonah Hill of sorority sisters.
Is 28 too old to get fingered in Centennial Park? Asking for a friend.
I'm driving to his house to eat chicken and hopefully have an orgasm
what color bed sheets say meditative warrior but also welcome to my sex dungeon...
navy blue
The fact that you have an answer to that is why we are friends...
The text I got from my boyfriend this morning: "babe, I'm not mad because I know you were drunk, but you kissed 3 guys last night and I wasn't one of them".
If I don't get alcohol poisoning from tonight I don't think i ever will.
Randomize
