careful when you do the walk of shame, they are handing out bibles on campus
Never name a vibrator after ashton kutcher
So I thought I was doing pretty good and then I sneezed and prematurely ejaculated...
dude. you ripped the mardi gras beads off the girls neck and yelled she didnt deserve them..
I can't tell which way is up. Too many corners around his house too. An arbitary assimilation of edges.
Christ, I swear you are the high man's Dr. Seuss.
I just used cruise control in a 25 zone. When will this hangover end???
Hey, so, you were my "one phone call" last night... Thanks for not picking up. See, this is why I never call you.
Just took a shower for the sole purpose of getting off without using my hands... I've reached a new level of summer-lazy.
Yep. My memoirs will be called "A Slore Worth Mentioning"
I was chasing pulls of fireball with bites of a bagel and yelling at people to take tequila shots with me. I shouldn't be allowed to go out alone.
As I was balls deep, she moaned "i can't wait to see what how hot our daughter will be". Instant de-boner
You couldn't even walk but you came into the kitchen with the funnel and begged me to put beer in it
I checked her ID this morning. Lets just say...she's older than my mom
She was hammered and showed her gay best mate a pic of my cock, his response was "I fucked the wrong brother"
On a side note apparently my brother is gay
Are you alone?
No, but I have to leave him in my bed while I go on this date.
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