mark looks like s**t tonight! thank da lawd we broke up!
it's mark...i'm guessing you didn't mean to send that to me...
he made me stop in the middle of the blowjob to turn the tv towrds him. i then proceeded when he stopped me again to get him the remote. fuck me.
i had a dream last night that my liver tore its self out of my body and ran away.
We're past the whole "Did she just try to finger my ass?" Stage. Now it's encouraged.
i wish it would rain vodka just once. i have not puked yet bring it on
all i could think about while he was eating me out was how pretty his eyelashes were
I fucking love my neighbors. I offered him chocolate and somehow it turned into a sexual proposition.
Talked to Nate, told him he was a douche. Will give details when sober. It's ok. You're my best friend together a wolf pack. Olive juice.
Who knew you could get a drunk in public when jogging with your dog?
You threw a shot glass at the bartender and still managed to convince him to let us drink more. You are my hero.
On celebration of the Supreme Court ruling I feel it is our patriotic duty to have a threesome
I don't know, but I assume drunk me had her reasons. I trust her judgement.
I shit myself when I came, don't have flu sex
I WOULD NEVER LIE ABOUT SOMETHING AS SERIOUS AS SABADO GIGANTE BEING CANCELED
Girl you're stalking so hard you're gonna know both their social security numbers soon
Randomize
