and he says: but we did find out that your ovaries have never released eggs. first thing out of my mouth: so i didnt really need to take the morning after pill so many times in college?
not the response he usually gets im sure.
Graduating is kinda bittersweet. Now I'm gonna have to find another excuse to day-drink and sleep until 3pm besides "I'm in college."
Because ur a stupid bitch
Actually, I'm graduating from college on Saturday so that makes me a well educated bitch.
I just shaved my vag with a razor my dad left when he was here a few months ago. Too hungover to think about the Freudian connotations
Is it 3pm? Or am I losing my mind because it's pickled in vodka and diet coke?
So I commented on one of his pictures "who do I have to give a full effort blow job to, to get the Ides of March movie poster behind you" he responded with a number that wasn't his. I still texted it. I love that movie.
I cannot start working out. If I start to look better, I'll ruin ugly women's chances forever. So, really...I'm doing them a favor...think about it.
I have mastered the 3 minute room cleaning drill in preparation for the nights possible slam-piece
Any man who has a face like that and a bike, deserves a vagina like yours permanently.
There's holes in the drywall and the beer pong table is a broken door on two barstools. You know they like to party.
You burned the hair off your arms. Again.
It grows back stronger each time.
Sex with him is like pizza, it can be shitty but its stillll pizza.....
I almost died in that meeting. Nearly dried up and blew away in the pure powder form of boredom
I know that feel bro
so "excuse the stench" wasn't the correct thing to say when your boyfriend's parents walk in on you shitting. Live and learn
Are you hungover?
No. I'm hiding under my covers and hoping it doesn't find me.
Randomize
