Well the bottom line is that I had to completely coat my testicles in Neosporin.
There's a girl in my class named "La-a" pronouced "Luh Dash uh" I hate everyone
If we're like this now and women reach their sexual peak in their 30's, I can't even fathom what our futures hold.
I took a picture of his ID so i could remember how to spell his last name and facebook stalk him later...I think he saw me do it
We just passed a billboard that said to join "jerseydoesntstink.com" and literally 15 seconds later, we could smell jersey.
I havnt even moved into my new place yet and there's already a county sheriffs card taped to the door with my name on it asking me to call him
apparently they wrote a song entitled "butt slut" about her... im thinking shes not girlfriend material.
just run out there and shit all over the driveway when he comes.. and then point at him
New drinking game. Every time Romney and Santorum switch leads, take a shot.
....this is what your political science major is getting you?
The thing is that despite the high paying career and the increased responsibility, my life hasn't changed that much. Only instead of blacking out on $2 wells at some dive I blackout on top shelf martinis in a suit. Oh and only on Fri & Sat nights. Being 30 doesn't suck as bad as everyone led me to believe.
We have 24 days left before I leave for college and 21 condoms left in the stockpile. Are you up for the challenge?
Any formal decision about whether we're planning to objectify naked women with daddy issues tonight?
We left his house because I forgot how to drink water, I was just holding it in my mouth and then spitting it out, needless to say I don't remember the sex.
If by some world ending natural disaster I get into an actual relationship with this kid, should I tell him the truth about the web of lies I've based our current relationship on?
You grabbed my arm, said "I need you" in a very concerned voice and dragged me to the other room where you were blasting Evolution of Beyoncé.
Randomize
