I think we can all look back on last night and categorize it under, " reason why Cory can't be left at the bar by himself"
We woke up, fucked twice, she drank 3 warm heinekins to cure her hangover and said "Im glad you're still hott when im sober"
I'm blaming hurricane Irene if I get pregnant tonight.
Dude, I checked into a cathedral... I thought it was a joke, until I found a candle and a whole bunch of coins in my purse
Im on the side of I-10 covered in sweat, cookie dough, hollandaise sauce, onion gravy, and ground beef wondering how my life I ended up here
Dude. That is just waaaay to much random to process after that tequila battle.
i refuse to be around anyone not wearing a sombrero...its cinco de mayo
Oh fuck, I messaged a Jack Kerouac poem to a girl I'm trying to sleep with last night at 4am.
Ughhh I can't remember the last time "time fell back or springed forward" and I wasn't at the bar to argue about it :(
Why are you surprised? I've only ever liked older guys since I was a 3 yr old crushing on her pediatrician.
I need a new pic for your contact id. Because your boobs popping up when I'm having dinner with my grandma or, ya know, when kids have my phone isn't so good.
PEOPLE ARE STILL EATING FAJITAS IN DROVES. BY THE CASELOAD. THERES A FORKLIFT OF SIZZLING MEATS.
I feel worse lying to the guy I hooked up with than I actually do for cheating on my bf
He just showed up at my house with a giant box of Trojans and a 6-pack of Yoohoo "for a special treat afterwards". I'm in love.
When I came she triumphantly exclaimed, "MUAHAHA VICTORY IS MINE!"
Randomize
