i think i just puked on my phone
we live great lives
the Monday before Thanksgiving is not a Monday at all. Just Thursday in Monday suit.
Dude turns out her best friend is lesbian...there is no wingman for this situation
At what point did we decide It was a good idea t have a wheelbarrow race in the parking lot?
Unemployment check just came in. As soon as I stop pretending I have morals I'm buying weed. Puff puff pass uncle sam.
Is "you left your socks here, please come get them" a good way of saying "come fuck me?"
But seriously, I hug most of my drug dealers.
Is she still in your room?
Not for long. My plan is to smoke her out like a small woodland creature.
i just remember sliding through the snow and yelling i love america before puking on the oncoming cars
dude I just found tht weird ass guy u invited last night passed out in my closet.... apparently he "couldn't find the exit"
Both guys that I'm dating were waiting for me in the parking lot after work. Literally the most awkward situation I have ever been in
I'm very aware of my heart moving the blood in my body.
he's the only real guy friend I've had who I've never made out with
Sitting in the dr office she literally looked at my throat and goes have you been having oral intercourse
You couldn’t remember the word hand jibber. Instead, your drunk ass offered the bartenders “unlimited hand fritters” if they wouldn’t cut you off.
Randomize
