I just walked in on my dad looking at porn. is there protocol for this?
Tortellini makes me feel like I'm eating hundreds of little vaginas
Need to stop getting stoned with this chick, I keep waking up covered in pizza sauce
I just taped a plastic bag to my ceiling for the next time I have to throw up on the top bunk. Why am I so good at college?
Hahaha I asked him about her bjs and he said "I would not wish that on anyone"
you proceeded to scream out that it's your birthday to everyone who walked by before you collapsed in the middle of the street. happy 21st birthday to you.
found out that hot proper business chick in my class A) did a bar crawl last 2 night and still showed up to class and B) is 19 and C) so not as proper as I thought D) is single. How the fuck does that work? Freaking superwoman.
I should've been more social I guess. I feel bad not meeting the people who willingly sucked alcohol out of my navel...
If you make 120 dollars and I walk instd of drive and don't eat or smoke this week we can pay rent
all I got out of honors convocation is I've hooked up with a lot of smart guys
We were fucking in the back of my truck and no joke a skunk came up and sprayed us. How am I supposed to explain this to my parents
Also you know what's irritating? When the guy you're sleeping with refuses to like any of your Instagram posts
My tinder date wouldn't stop talking about the Star Wars movie trailer long enough to fuck me. HOW IS THIS MY LIFE?!?
just had an allergic reaction to my dildo. My life is ruined.
Tonights mission: get trashed, smoke a bowl on top of the silo, get some dick. Not necessarily in that order.
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