I don't make mistakes...just understandable bad choices.
My breakfast consisted of a slimfast and an adderal. My fridge is like an insecurity buffet.
i just realized i have an entire drawer dedicated to the clothes of guys ive shacked with...
i just threw up in front of the washington monument. such a scenic puke.
I fucked the bump it out of her hair. just had to let everyone know.
Did you leave a blizzard on my porch last night? Or was that someone else giving out a metaphorical threat to me?
Only thing I got out of his drunken Spanish is something that sounded like "pencil sharpener." Damn rosetta stone.
Like there's an 87% chance I'll end up on the bedroom floor demanding sex while freestyling in your face. I'm going to buy rum.
his version of basketball was throwing hot sauce packets down my cleavage at taco bell at 2 am with his buddy.the cashier kept score
Thats the last time im "arresting" you to get out of paying your bar tab.
What?! The only reason I married your sister is to have a Cop in the family!
If by date you mean washing Pizza house down with a bottle of wine, then yes I have a date.
They tried to dine n dash at dennys and the waiter jumped on their car and broke their windshield
I'm getting 800 nuggets from McDonald's
It's official. I have spent more money on weed than on textbooks this semester.
You were so drunk last night that you fell thru the bathroom door at the bar, ripping it off the hinges in the process. But, your birthday tiara stayed on thru the whole thing. I'd call it a succcessful evening. Happy birthday kiddo!
Randomize
