remember that night jesus turned water into wine? DRUNKER.
I was just walking through Burbank and saw a hobo using solar panels on his shopping cart. We must be in trouble if the hobos are researching alternative sources of fuel...
Gordon Ramsey's restaurant in NY is $150 each for the chef's menu
So you're taking me there this weekend?
oh, looks like he just opened a new restaurant right by us- it's called "McDonald's". Must be scottish food.
I look like a sausage in jean shorts, you should have woken up earlier and approved my outfit.
Did I tell you that you looked cute last night? I looked at the pictures. I lied.
I just saw some girl with the liscense plate "OBVIII"...I never wanted to get in a car accident so badly.
just ate frosted cheerios in coffee with some marshmellows. the college diet begins
Just got the test results back. All clean, Now whose an idiot for going bareback in South America for 3 months straight.
I'm going to go out on a limb and say last night was a success, also the neighbors are counting down the days until we move out.
Not much. Some creepy guy on Grindr thinks he knows who I am and where I live. So I sent him to that place with jockstraps and bacon. Hope he has fun.
I knew it was going to be good when he took off my bra and I only realized 5 minutes later
bitch dont make me pour hotsauce in your vagina
summer in europe = liver of steel
I accept that challenge.
Good for you, kid with a beer in hand as you walk to your 11 am class.
I thought this was a dry campus.
That means you have to bring your own beer from home.
My favorite part was making you pull out your lucky steelers vibrator and show it to jerome bettis at the bar
Randomize
