shes trying to light up her bowl in front of the fan. everytime it blows it out she just gives it a dirty look.
I unwillingly was the ball between four hungry hippos last night. I thought the one chick was actually going to eat me
I am sleeping on the floor in your room so if you have sex in here just don't roll on me
He doesn't like you, he likes u not having a gag relfex
i just remember pinky promising you guys to take care of him.
What did you give her? She's trying to tape her wrists so her hands don't fall off.
The number of injuries I get impersonating Shakira while drunk is getting ridiculous. Sprained vagina, dude.
I've lost all respect for marriage since I joined this bachelor party.
When I see myself in tank tops and push up bras I seriously wonder why I'm not President.
well my grandpa saw your dick pic, so why don't you tell me how my day is going
Hey sorry for calling you so much last night. I mixed your number with the pizza guys, and he was running late
I feel like it is our duty to make homophobic people more afraid of us. They're never going to change, but maybe we can get to a "wrath of god" kind of worship-him-or-he'll-destroy-you-with-his-care-bear-stare type thing.
I never truly understood the phrase ball is life until I started having to balance NBA finals and all these men with balls i'd like to handle.
It seems I've entered my 21st birthday the same way I entered this world: naked, crying and smothered in someone else's bodily fluids...
Hey man, he's too drunk to remember what you said. What drugs are we buying and when should we expect them?
Randomize
