did you know that the clit is basically just a tiny penis? Ya.. So just think about that next time you're down there.
Trimmed my pubes and broke your paper shredder. Separate events.
We are walking down to the lake and then i dont know. Where did you sleep?
Places.
Plural? Please tell.
Just got to costco. Where are you?
Liquor aisle, bring another cart.
I just saw a guy getting escorted with handcuffs on, I'm too drunk to be at the airport right now.
Fuckkkk i made out with a freshman.....but he's old for his age. THIS IS WHAT HAPPENS WHEN YOURE NOT AROUND.
If you're fucking that other dude, I'll take the sloppy seconds. I don't care.
I woke up in her bed, she woke up in mine. Apparently there was a miscommunication after the 8th jager bomb.
Love me.
GO THE FUCK TO BED IT'S 3AM I AM NOT TAKING YOU TO MCDONALDS.
Just for one nugget?
Ummm, my mojito just spilled on 2 essays as I'm grading. Who says high schoolers have all the fun?
I feel like my sexual preferences are just another sign that I am a 75 year old drag queen in a 29 year old woman's body.
It's official cum is not a great leave in conditioner
A condom was pulled out of your vagina by a doctor today I do not think you can pull off "closet" hoe anymore
You kept licking me last night.... and said I tasted like jello. Next time, lay off the jello shots, okay?
She woke up, mumbled "the trees" When i asked her what about them, she yelled "WE NEED THEM FOR OXYGEN," Then went back to sleep.
We need to get on her level.
Randomize
