i learned of a new sex move called the pterodactyl. 3 guys stand in a row. 1 girl blows the one in the middle while jerking off the other two. kids these days!
Yaeh! Back in our day we had to wait our turn for some party whore to blow us!
well there you go. the average partycunt evolved into megapartycunt just like scientists predicted.
you called me at 4 in the morning to tell me that your toaster burnt your english muffin, and that you "fuckin hated that thing."
it's so much work when my dad takes my car to get fixed, i had to take out the bottles, condoms, and my pipe
Whatever you gave me is making me lactate
JUST MADE A FLAMING SLED. MIGHT HAVE 3RD DEGREE BURNS.
I am dressed. And we didn't do anything. He's gorgeous and tall tho. Something nice to look at when I'm hungover
Random thought: what if being devoured by animals was a death penalty option...and you got to choose the animal?
It was the easiest thing I've ever done. 3am she walked into my room, saw my Buffalo Bills blanket, said go bills and got naked.
Should probably stop going into the gas station to look for the most normal person to hitch a ride with to drive me to a party
i'm eating chex mix in the shower while texting. i feel accomplished.
that guy was staring at your tits.
nah, more like they were staring at him, and his girlfriend, and her less than adequate bosom. they pitied the fool.
point taken, oh mistress of the bosoms.
Sorry I bailed on you yesterday. I was propositioned.
And you don't turn down margaritas and oral.
Got so drunk I broke my sink in half. Not. Lying.
I was supposed to see Marcus tonight and he cancelled. Listen, I shaved my butt hole. Somebody is getting this WAP 😂😂😂😂
What did you spend the night in her closet?
She said she was saving me for breakfast and locked me in there
Randomize
