This cookie i'm eating tastes like pizza. It was so worth contacting my sister for pot.
It's sad because pictures are supposed to say a thousand words, and theirs just say 'fat'
Um....sorry for hooking up with your brother last night...
Actually i take that back. You dropped the whiskey last night and broke the bottle. Were even
Friend date it is then. Question: Can friends engage in sexual activities after dates?
I used that money i stole from the stripper last night to pay for my date tonight.
We are without power. He took ALL the lightbulbs out and hid them.
You should not be allowed to go away on the weekends I plan on getting drunk on. I need someone to stop me from punching this guy in the face. It's simple room mate etiquette.
He has what he calls a "Ben Franklin". It's a pubic hairdo based on the man himself; long on the sides and bald in the middle.
You know what, don't say anything. You all made fun on me for saying I would fuck him junior year when he taught us algebra and six years later, HERE I AM.
There is a 97.5% chance that my sketchy roommate is also a hooker.
So when can I meet her?
I just need you to stay far enough away that I can't smell your cologne. I completely forget that I fucking hate you as soon as I smell it.
They took the TVs out of the gym and the mini-Mart only had 2% milk. 2015 wants me to be fat
She had never heard the term "grundle" before. Classiest girl I've met in months
I'm trying to find a fanny pack so I can bring pizza on my run
I called you daddy and let you stick things in my butt, I am a damn 11.
Randomize
