How's tricks little girl?
Trix are for kids, old man.
I just saw a girl play flip cup with only her tongue
I'm in love
GUESS WHAT I JUST LICKED
I feel like half our conversations start this way.
I'm going to get a baby outfit made and send it to her that says: "My husband fucked his subordinate and all I got was another baby".
my step dad just called me a drunken slut..someone in my family finally understands me
I just got a whiff of tequila through the air conditioner.
Tell nick i'm sorry for throwing a block of cheese at him last night
He leaned in to kiss me and I dodged him but i fell on the floor. I guess I never got up cuz I woke up on the floor and he was in his bed
you pushed her into a kiddie pool and knocked out her front teeth... and you still managed to get laid. what. the. fuck.
I just had sex in the men's bathroom of a Chinese buffet...
YOU ARE MY HERO
You can't just beat off while driving someone else's car. Thats a rule
Thats your rule and this car is nice
Drugs are gluten free tho, right?
I'm playing a lilo and stitch drinking game
Aloha alcoholism.
im shaving my vagina and listening to frank sinatra, im coming over after
I've had way too many dicks in my mouth the past two weeks. Ready to go back to school and be a doctor now
Randomize
