Im watching hello kitty on qvc debating if its a good idea to cook bagel bites on my space heater
i just made a girl do the walk of shame. as a bumblebee. i love halloween.
You tried to call the hospital and left a voicemail asking if you could be put on the liver transplant list as a "pre-caution"
you told him you liked to chip your nail polish to look like different countries. im gonna guess that no, you didn't sleep with him.
She keeps referring to it as an "us" Either she is seriously mistaken on what fuck buddies are or she learned another meaning of the word "us"
He's trying to row the canoe up my front yard like he is Lewis and Clark.
I just woke up to three voicemails from you. In the first one you just straight laughed for 3 minutes. In the second you did bird calls. In the third you were hysterically crying. Have fun last night?
I'm going to tattoo a maze on my back for the next fucker that tries to blow early ....
Apparently love is stronger than SoCo
It was almost as bad as the time I peed on the floor of the Pentagon's subway station.
There's a mechanical bull in the basement dude where are you
Dude. I've never been with a guy who just wanted to go down on me all the time including while I'm shooting zombies on call of duty. My life is complete.
A 5 day bender that ended with refusing to pay my bar tab before I left the city. I offered to send them a selfie so they knew to never let me back in.
So this is what it's like to wake up with someone else's blood in your nose...
I feel awful. The bartender added me on Facebook and there's chips all over the bathroom floor
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